I woke up nervous and tired for no reason, my period has long been an excuse that doesn’t catch on. He hasn’t even arrived yet.
I remembered saying I realized that a human being wakes up neutral, no good or bad feeling. And here is the proof that I am wrong, that this is not true.
I calmed down a bit with the coffee and admitted that yes, it’s true because I do get up neutral, the mood just changed early and I realized I was very nervous and tired.
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I probably dreamed or something, because yesterday I realized we were already in June and it came to my mind. Or do you know the feeling that there is no transition between night and morning in your thoughts? the brain like continuing from where it stopped yesterday, like no cut from the thoughts in bedtime to the thoughts in waking time? So that’s how it was.
I woke up again with that June thought in my head. And what can I say? It got me upset or sad or whatever. Negative feelings for sure.
June. Fucking June.
For almost a year now, I’ve been an independent worker, and what’s going on? How are things going? Well, things are not going anywhere.
I know I am progressing and moving slowly, this is not new.
But to be clear, I have made great progress this year and I am very proud of myself, even starting to teach private lessons in painting – another block I have overcome. Another thing that I thought I would never do.
Still, I find myself disappointed. Not of myself, which is amazing itself, because it is usually this weak confidence that tramples and whispers nonsense, but of the result that does not come, even though it is up to me.
There’s something here that doesn’t work.
I don’t believe in my shirts, my designs, which is bad.
That’s how I’ve been thinking for a while and confessed to my sister, Moria, the one who resembles my character and sometimes understands me even without words: I don’t believe in my shirts, but in my cases I do.
Yesterday I was already thinking about how to delete and give up about all this idea of design anything – today I think this is the easy solution.
I decided to deal, not to give up. Yes to delete, but to leave some few designs are good.
Then I also realized that it would be my thing, individual items that I would shape them as best as I could, it will be worth it, a shirt I could believe in.
In other words, to develop, to re-thinking, to grow.
Grow, grow, grow. All the time looking forward.
I also have thoughts that I will draw on the shirt myself, with textile colors, all the Disney, Timon and Pumba, Simba, Mugli, Mickey Mouse … all the cartoon characters I love, I will make it cool, I believe.
In the meantime, I’ll start from the safe part, to delete all the designs I don’t like and update you on how the process going on.
I feel positive, in doing so.
There is what to expect so stay tuned.
I appreciate you reading, I’d love to hear from you. 🙂
Only love and a few more things,